One of the most beautiful areas of life is Philosophy. In my opinion nothing comes close or even compares to the role that Philosophy plays in the world, more specifically nothing could ever come close to the influence or impact that it has on a person's life. It is even more beneficial if you have the right philosopher guiding you in the right direction through teaching, time and effort. In my life I was always a thinker, I spent a lot of time by myself so I had no choice but to think and wonder about anything and everything. So because of my natural habit of thinking I felt that the idea of philosophy when I experienced the first basic class that was offered at my college a few years ago, I felt very comfortable and drawn to the world of it. I thought it was a perfect fit for me because of the fact that I had all these thoughts and truly desired them to be carried out into real life or at the very least allow them to make themselves known on paper.
Although I had swam in the shallow end of the philosophical pool in life, I didn't dive in until Summer of 2013 through my World Religions Class. Over the last year almost, I have done nothing but sink and soak into the depths of all that Philosophy is and could be. I haven't even reached the ultimate depths yet and I don't care, I'm still swimming! Philosophy is amazing because it allows you to think about the world differently and it allows you to give certain things thoughts that you would never think you'd experience in your life. It brings a new perception and it provides a new acknowledgement and vision of all things in life. Philosophy is endless and it is thinking in slow motion. It is carefully pinpointing various thoughts and attacking it so that you can truly discover and appreciate it as a whole.
I have been blessed with an amazing Philosophy Professor that I will showcase later in my blog series. But what I will share with you now is that having the right Philosopher guide you, is the perfect key to the doorway of the rest of your life. Philosophy does not take you away from everything you know, nor does it try to strip you of your faith and hopes in whatever you believe in. Philosophy showcases them and it allows you to perceive them in a whole new light that was more beautiful then the perception you had before. Philosophy is beautiful because it is always changing and evolving over time. It allows you to be very careful in your word choosing and how you live your life in a thoughtful way.
Philosophy has it's own thoughts and ideas of what being beautiful is as it pertaining to an event, it's not something that just is and it's not just blonde hair and blue eyes. Being beautiful and being able to identify those beautiful traits in yourself is more beneficial, logical and rational to pinpoint certain events or obstacles you have overcome in life because that is where your true beauty can be discovered. It is because of this belief as into what beauty is that I have approached this blog in the way that I have, because in my opinion people (including myself) gets too caught up in what we are supposed to look like and what clothes we are supposed to wear in order to be beautiful. We need to put an end to that one person and one doubt at a time. We are all beautiful and my hope is that every one of us can find it within our testimonies of life!
Wednesday, March 19, 2014
Jennifer Sisley Hawkins Jenny Bash... Whatever you know her as, she is beautiful.
I have a friend that is super special and significant in not only my life but the lives of others. Since the day I met her I knew that there was a presence about her that I enjoyed and knew that I needed to get to know her better. Her kids were amazing and the love that they all had as a family was one I always felt I could relate to. I met Jennifer almost three years ago during my "newborn months" at NewLife Baptist Church. She was just always so upbeat and always so friendly, that I will never forget. Eventually she and I became friends and sooner after that we became best friends. I always enjoyed spending time with her, getting to know her children, enjoying her yummy chicken dinners that still can't be topped by other cooks :) She was always such a gracious and loving support for myself and my children. I never knew such quality could come from a young woman as I have had troubles with trusting beforehand. Jennifer has sat through every cry and vent that I have ever had without no complaint. She truly is a magnificent human being.
But what makes her beautiful is not the sacrifice and blessings she has given me over the years. No, her beauty is all her own that God has blessed her with. She is an angel of sorts this much is true and she sings like one too. Her voice is one of the most beautiful and authentic voices you will ever hear in your life. It's a talent that she possesses that entails a significant tone and rarity that you cant find in any other voice out there. Her music is how she worships God and it's what makes her feel whole. You can't begin talking about Jennifer without mentioning her voice and that's why I am sharing it first.
But then you have to strip the voice in order to discover another layer of beauty that lies within her being her heart. Jennifer has one of the most lovely hearts that I have ever seen. All she desires is to see and bring the best out in those around her. She observes everything about everyone but she cares more about making sure they are happy in her presence or at the very least she will do what she can to help them get through whatever she can. Jennifer would and does give the shirt right off her back to help others even if they don't deserve it. Yes she has made mistakes as we all have, but her heart allows her to be humble and accepting of those mistakes as learning lessons in life. Her don't care attitude that she has about not caring too much about what other people think is absolutely empowering and influential in women because in reality we are our own critics and the only person we need to feel accepted by is Jesus Christ and that she does.
After learning of the beauty of her voice and heart, one must go deeper to discover another layer about her which is the target for this particular blog. Jennifer is beautiful because of how she responds and ignores her fears in life. Jennifer fears three things in life- Failure, Heights and Tsunamis. The thing about Jennifer is you would never know of her fears because she never lets them show because she attacks them as soon as they show themselves in her life. She works hard in school and everything she does in life to make sure that she does succeed to her liking. She spends numerous hours studying and doing everything she can to make sure that she heads in the direction in life that she has worked so hard to go. She will never let failure get her down because she won't give it the chance to come near her.
Same with heights, I would never know she was afraid of heights because I had the utmost honor of going ziplining with her last year about this time. She had no hesitation or nerves that she let show. She zipped every line and had a blast! You would have never been able to identify her fear of heights in a million years! Again she didn't let that fear even come near her! Lastly you have the fear of Tsunamis, long story short.. She lives right next to the beach.. I think that's enough to say about that.
The truth of the matter is that Jennifer, you are one of the most beautiful people on this planet. Anyone who is lucky enough to call you friend is extremely blessed and it is my prayer and hope for you that those particular people really take time to notice, stop and thank God for blessing them with you in their lives. You succeed in everything you put your mind to because of the strong will you have and the resistance you have to let life taking you down, what an impeccable influence you are to those around you to do the same. God bless you!
But what makes her beautiful is not the sacrifice and blessings she has given me over the years. No, her beauty is all her own that God has blessed her with. She is an angel of sorts this much is true and she sings like one too. Her voice is one of the most beautiful and authentic voices you will ever hear in your life. It's a talent that she possesses that entails a significant tone and rarity that you cant find in any other voice out there. Her music is how she worships God and it's what makes her feel whole. You can't begin talking about Jennifer without mentioning her voice and that's why I am sharing it first.
But then you have to strip the voice in order to discover another layer of beauty that lies within her being her heart. Jennifer has one of the most lovely hearts that I have ever seen. All she desires is to see and bring the best out in those around her. She observes everything about everyone but she cares more about making sure they are happy in her presence or at the very least she will do what she can to help them get through whatever she can. Jennifer would and does give the shirt right off her back to help others even if they don't deserve it. Yes she has made mistakes as we all have, but her heart allows her to be humble and accepting of those mistakes as learning lessons in life. Her don't care attitude that she has about not caring too much about what other people think is absolutely empowering and influential in women because in reality we are our own critics and the only person we need to feel accepted by is Jesus Christ and that she does.
After learning of the beauty of her voice and heart, one must go deeper to discover another layer about her which is the target for this particular blog. Jennifer is beautiful because of how she responds and ignores her fears in life. Jennifer fears three things in life- Failure, Heights and Tsunamis. The thing about Jennifer is you would never know of her fears because she never lets them show because she attacks them as soon as they show themselves in her life. She works hard in school and everything she does in life to make sure that she does succeed to her liking. She spends numerous hours studying and doing everything she can to make sure that she heads in the direction in life that she has worked so hard to go. She will never let failure get her down because she won't give it the chance to come near her.
Same with heights, I would never know she was afraid of heights because I had the utmost honor of going ziplining with her last year about this time. She had no hesitation or nerves that she let show. She zipped every line and had a blast! You would have never been able to identify her fear of heights in a million years! Again she didn't let that fear even come near her! Lastly you have the fear of Tsunamis, long story short.. She lives right next to the beach.. I think that's enough to say about that.
The truth of the matter is that Jennifer, you are one of the most beautiful people on this planet. Anyone who is lucky enough to call you friend is extremely blessed and it is my prayer and hope for you that those particular people really take time to notice, stop and thank God for blessing them with you in their lives. You succeed in everything you put your mind to because of the strong will you have and the resistance you have to let life taking you down, what an impeccable influence you are to those around you to do the same. God bless you!
Beauty Spotlight* Conquering Fear (A friend's testimony)
Since starting this blog I have desired to go in as many directions with it as I can. I feel that beauty is something we all desire to have in life and sometimes I feel that we struggle seeing that it already exists in our lives. When it comes to the feeling and security of being beautiful in one's self I feel that it is even more important to notice it in others because we all have insecurities and struggle with feeling like we are the best we can be.
With that particular theory and belief, this is the start of a blog series that I call Beauty Spotlight because I am going to share a testimony of whom I see beauty in according to the topic that I cover from the 50 signs of beauty article.
Hope you enjoy!
With that particular theory and belief, this is the start of a blog series that I call Beauty Spotlight because I am going to share a testimony of whom I see beauty in according to the topic that I cover from the 50 signs of beauty article.
Hope you enjoy!
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Result of Further Reflection
After posting yesterday's blog I spent some more time reflecting over other things that I have found myself being afraid of and one of those things are the memories of my past. High school was nothing less that pure and utter torture, I was bullied in high school so much that I left the high school in my hometown and transferred to another high school in the Salem area. My peers just wouldn't give me a break and I really felt like I had no choice but to run away and start over. Although I made the decision to transfer high schools, I still hated living in my hometown and even now I have hated returning back to it. When I go back I can see the same looks and hear the same whispers that I heard years ago and they have just kinda stuck and traveled over time. I can't return and think of it as my home, instead I look at it as the nightmare I couldn't wake up from.
All throughout high school I needed that self-affirmation to keep going and I searched for it in all the wrong places. I held a resentment and strong grudge towards the peers at my old high school and those resentments traveled with me and in some ways they still stick with me. A turning point occurred in my life recently where I became aware of all the damage and wrong I had done in my life in result of the events that happened to me during my freshman year of high school. What I also realize is that never once did they happen to hinder me nor did God punish me for anything I had done bad. At the end of the day as an adult I can look a it and identify the blessings that came from it even though the pain was much more easier to feel.
Transferring high schools was the best thing that happened for me, I didn't run away- God saved me. I always kept my faith and always listened to his voice during the times where all I wanted to do was just end my own life. I never would give it a second thought because each and every time I would hear the voice inside of me saying "you have a lot to live for". Each denial I made to Satan that desired me to be in hell with him, I defeated it by not listening to him whatsoever. Yes there were some very mean and nasty people that made my life a living hell but now I can honestly and securely say with full confidence that I forgive them. I forgive them because the actions they did and the words they said are not who they are nor were they ever. There are still many that I am fond of no matter how much they felt it necessary to follow the crowd.
I was innocent, naieve, and I always had the best of intentions in any choice I made back then and those motivations and characteristics still reside in me today. They are what makes me who I am or at the very least have crated a foundation of understanding as into who I am and why. I don't set out to harm people and sometimes I do things or respond to situations because I haven't got a clue of what they mean nor do I have a full comprehension of what is going on. My mistake in the past has never been allowing myself the opportunity of full communication which is what I have decided to do from this point on.
Transferring high schools was a huge blessing. Although I didn't receive the best peer to peer treatment, I had amazing teachers that have done nothing less but continue to be a good representative and advocate for me. They always made me feel safe, accepted, and they made me realize that I did belong there and there was in fact a place in high school that I could call my own and fit in right then and there for who I was. This is why I equipment managed for so long. It allowed me to be involved with school athletics without having to actually play, I never played sports in high school because of the fact that I didn't want to be the girl out there with glasses nor did I want to be the girl to take my glasses off and not be able to see a thing. Equipment Managing made me feel like I was contributing to something important and it felt like I was always doing the right thing.
I never craved to be popular, all I wanted was to feel peace in high school and accepted for just being there. I was the person who had rumors spread about day in and day out. I was the one that experienced multiple peer to peer confrontations because someone would use my name to pull a prank on someone such as asking someone to snowball and writing my name on the invitation. Then of course there were the blabbermouths from my old school who felt it necessary to burn every relationship or friendship that I had with other students at my new school and did this by having to "enlighten" my new schoolmates of what my history was at my old school. Kids and teenagers are SO mean and honestly they aren't getting any better in our society of schools anymore.
Graduating from West Salem High School, I left feeling proud to be a Titan, certainly I still wish that there are students that I could reconnect with and allow them the opportunity to give me a fresh start and to see who I am as a person, the person that was always there that together my peers allowed Satan to work through each situation and destroy that person and truly mask it with suit and sin. The truth is that I have never been the naieve girl who "stalked" athletes, nor was I ever a threat to anyone's social status. Being around me didn't destroy your reputation, sorry I never had that power. Never have I been ugly, fat, nor have I ever been not worthy of care from people. I have always been smart and careful with whom I let into my life and the words I say to people. What I realize is that God created me a certain way and that way never changed, it was the influence of my peers that made me look at myself and see different.
By graduating from West Salem High School and having had gone through my experiences all throughout high school as a teenage girl who had a deep desire and craving to have some sort of attention or relationship with a guy eventually ate at me in places where my inner self esteem was effected. I found a "beauty" within myself that was fake and phony. I relied on hair extensions, good selfies with non revealing angles, and of course the internet to gain affection and affirmation from young men who were into women like that. That attitude and assumption of what others needed to see in order to like me at the very least was essentially what attracted and connected me to the man that would I would remain in a relationship with for nearly two years.
The relationship started out pretty intense but there was something about him that drew me in and I couldn't explain it. Within a very short amount of time we had connected and really became understanding to one another. It was a complex relationship that's for sure but he gave me attention that I never experienced and it made me feel good to be able to say I had at least once in my life. Eventually the relationship became very mentally abusive as I was never enough. All the while he would play his video games and would just chat online to ex girlfriends all day and would talk to me all about it and how much they meant to him and how his desire was to be with them but he obviously wanted me too or he wouldn't have been there.
It's because of my desperation to feel cared about that I decided to stay with him and I committed myself to him for almost six months and he decided to leave me and move to California for an ex girlfriend. So I attempted to have a fresh start and move to Arizona for a second time. Eventually I got lonely and my physical wants and needs became more important when he decided to reach out to me again. Eventually I let him back into my life and decided to share a home with him which was when the real trouble started. There was a lot of physical abuse that occurred within the home and there was just a control he had over me that I couldn't explain rationally.
I had come back home due to the passing of my grandmother, ahh she was always an angel. But during those months of being at home I was dead inside, everything that had ever given me faith before being my grandma was gone just like that. After a summer season in depression I had discovered that I was expecting a baby. Deep in my heart I knew that I was expecting a girl and that her name would be Faith because she represented so much. It was my daughter who essentially gave me the confidence to leave my boyfriend at the time and really take pride and truly make gestures to show that I too am important and that I deserved to be safe.
Ultimately the new found role of motherhood was a challenge on it's own from the pregnancy and birth to the weeks after. It was during those weeks that I became very needy and low in my self and felt as if I needed that affirmation of feeling wanted again and I couldn't quite connect that I had enough in my life at that time, but Satan tricked me into thinking I needed more which is when I allowed myself to let another young man in who would change my life forever.
At first he seemed perfect but then as time went on his true colors revealed itself through the removal of my daughter at just four months old due to abuse and maltreatment of the young man to the obliviousness that I had towards him. It was a severely abusive relationship that sent me down a very long and narrow path with a shorter time duration.
However, although this road seems dark and curvy, it ultimately led up to me finding my church, accepting Jesus into my heart, having that ultimate change of attitude and desire, that year of really letting my faith grow within side of me and truly taking that year to fully accept and know who Jesus was on a more intimate level. That year allowed me to grow, escape the cycle of domestic violence, get the therapy I needed, and it also allowed me to start school which would ultimately lead me on a more impacting journey.
It was through school that I discovered I never wanted to leave and that being an educator is what i needed to be in life. I loved my classes and the support that I received through the walls of the institution and it inspired me to move forwards and truly make something of myself for not only my children but for myself as a person.
Ultimately I of course regained custody of my daughter and of course had my son all in the same time frame. Life hasn't been easy since but if it hadn't been for those rough years in high school I wouldn't have headed down the road I did which in the end lead me up to where I am now which I couldn't look at myself and see a better person. I know the growth and the changes I have gone through to get to where I am and because of it I am more confident and proud that I got here and I thank Jesus every day for that sweet victory He allowed me to have.
Being afraid of my peers and my hometown has kept me prisoner for a long time because I have found in the past that it is their approval I care more about which is highly unfortunate. But what I realize is that life moves on and so do they. I have been blessed with the opportunity to converse with an individual who played a significant role in my not so happy times in high school during my freshman year and being able to acknowledge that I have forgiven not only him but everyone else as well did nothing but make me feel like a more lighter and less stressed person. God forgave me and showed me by having Jesus die on the Cross, the least I can do is pay it forward and forgive others too. We are all young and naieve in our lives but it is those who forgive us that will always turn the situation around in our perception and allow us to see that they were all just blessings in disguise, and that my friends is the most beautiful reality that one could ever discover in life.
All throughout high school I needed that self-affirmation to keep going and I searched for it in all the wrong places. I held a resentment and strong grudge towards the peers at my old high school and those resentments traveled with me and in some ways they still stick with me. A turning point occurred in my life recently where I became aware of all the damage and wrong I had done in my life in result of the events that happened to me during my freshman year of high school. What I also realize is that never once did they happen to hinder me nor did God punish me for anything I had done bad. At the end of the day as an adult I can look a it and identify the blessings that came from it even though the pain was much more easier to feel.
Transferring high schools was the best thing that happened for me, I didn't run away- God saved me. I always kept my faith and always listened to his voice during the times where all I wanted to do was just end my own life. I never would give it a second thought because each and every time I would hear the voice inside of me saying "you have a lot to live for". Each denial I made to Satan that desired me to be in hell with him, I defeated it by not listening to him whatsoever. Yes there were some very mean and nasty people that made my life a living hell but now I can honestly and securely say with full confidence that I forgive them. I forgive them because the actions they did and the words they said are not who they are nor were they ever. There are still many that I am fond of no matter how much they felt it necessary to follow the crowd.
I was innocent, naieve, and I always had the best of intentions in any choice I made back then and those motivations and characteristics still reside in me today. They are what makes me who I am or at the very least have crated a foundation of understanding as into who I am and why. I don't set out to harm people and sometimes I do things or respond to situations because I haven't got a clue of what they mean nor do I have a full comprehension of what is going on. My mistake in the past has never been allowing myself the opportunity of full communication which is what I have decided to do from this point on.
Transferring high schools was a huge blessing. Although I didn't receive the best peer to peer treatment, I had amazing teachers that have done nothing less but continue to be a good representative and advocate for me. They always made me feel safe, accepted, and they made me realize that I did belong there and there was in fact a place in high school that I could call my own and fit in right then and there for who I was. This is why I equipment managed for so long. It allowed me to be involved with school athletics without having to actually play, I never played sports in high school because of the fact that I didn't want to be the girl out there with glasses nor did I want to be the girl to take my glasses off and not be able to see a thing. Equipment Managing made me feel like I was contributing to something important and it felt like I was always doing the right thing.
I never craved to be popular, all I wanted was to feel peace in high school and accepted for just being there. I was the person who had rumors spread about day in and day out. I was the one that experienced multiple peer to peer confrontations because someone would use my name to pull a prank on someone such as asking someone to snowball and writing my name on the invitation. Then of course there were the blabbermouths from my old school who felt it necessary to burn every relationship or friendship that I had with other students at my new school and did this by having to "enlighten" my new schoolmates of what my history was at my old school. Kids and teenagers are SO mean and honestly they aren't getting any better in our society of schools anymore.
Graduating from West Salem High School, I left feeling proud to be a Titan, certainly I still wish that there are students that I could reconnect with and allow them the opportunity to give me a fresh start and to see who I am as a person, the person that was always there that together my peers allowed Satan to work through each situation and destroy that person and truly mask it with suit and sin. The truth is that I have never been the naieve girl who "stalked" athletes, nor was I ever a threat to anyone's social status. Being around me didn't destroy your reputation, sorry I never had that power. Never have I been ugly, fat, nor have I ever been not worthy of care from people. I have always been smart and careful with whom I let into my life and the words I say to people. What I realize is that God created me a certain way and that way never changed, it was the influence of my peers that made me look at myself and see different.
By graduating from West Salem High School and having had gone through my experiences all throughout high school as a teenage girl who had a deep desire and craving to have some sort of attention or relationship with a guy eventually ate at me in places where my inner self esteem was effected. I found a "beauty" within myself that was fake and phony. I relied on hair extensions, good selfies with non revealing angles, and of course the internet to gain affection and affirmation from young men who were into women like that. That attitude and assumption of what others needed to see in order to like me at the very least was essentially what attracted and connected me to the man that would I would remain in a relationship with for nearly two years.
The relationship started out pretty intense but there was something about him that drew me in and I couldn't explain it. Within a very short amount of time we had connected and really became understanding to one another. It was a complex relationship that's for sure but he gave me attention that I never experienced and it made me feel good to be able to say I had at least once in my life. Eventually the relationship became very mentally abusive as I was never enough. All the while he would play his video games and would just chat online to ex girlfriends all day and would talk to me all about it and how much they meant to him and how his desire was to be with them but he obviously wanted me too or he wouldn't have been there.
It's because of my desperation to feel cared about that I decided to stay with him and I committed myself to him for almost six months and he decided to leave me and move to California for an ex girlfriend. So I attempted to have a fresh start and move to Arizona for a second time. Eventually I got lonely and my physical wants and needs became more important when he decided to reach out to me again. Eventually I let him back into my life and decided to share a home with him which was when the real trouble started. There was a lot of physical abuse that occurred within the home and there was just a control he had over me that I couldn't explain rationally.
I had come back home due to the passing of my grandmother, ahh she was always an angel. But during those months of being at home I was dead inside, everything that had ever given me faith before being my grandma was gone just like that. After a summer season in depression I had discovered that I was expecting a baby. Deep in my heart I knew that I was expecting a girl and that her name would be Faith because she represented so much. It was my daughter who essentially gave me the confidence to leave my boyfriend at the time and really take pride and truly make gestures to show that I too am important and that I deserved to be safe.
Ultimately the new found role of motherhood was a challenge on it's own from the pregnancy and birth to the weeks after. It was during those weeks that I became very needy and low in my self and felt as if I needed that affirmation of feeling wanted again and I couldn't quite connect that I had enough in my life at that time, but Satan tricked me into thinking I needed more which is when I allowed myself to let another young man in who would change my life forever.
At first he seemed perfect but then as time went on his true colors revealed itself through the removal of my daughter at just four months old due to abuse and maltreatment of the young man to the obliviousness that I had towards him. It was a severely abusive relationship that sent me down a very long and narrow path with a shorter time duration.
However, although this road seems dark and curvy, it ultimately led up to me finding my church, accepting Jesus into my heart, having that ultimate change of attitude and desire, that year of really letting my faith grow within side of me and truly taking that year to fully accept and know who Jesus was on a more intimate level. That year allowed me to grow, escape the cycle of domestic violence, get the therapy I needed, and it also allowed me to start school which would ultimately lead me on a more impacting journey.
It was through school that I discovered I never wanted to leave and that being an educator is what i needed to be in life. I loved my classes and the support that I received through the walls of the institution and it inspired me to move forwards and truly make something of myself for not only my children but for myself as a person.
Ultimately I of course regained custody of my daughter and of course had my son all in the same time frame. Life hasn't been easy since but if it hadn't been for those rough years in high school I wouldn't have headed down the road I did which in the end lead me up to where I am now which I couldn't look at myself and see a better person. I know the growth and the changes I have gone through to get to where I am and because of it I am more confident and proud that I got here and I thank Jesus every day for that sweet victory He allowed me to have.
Being afraid of my peers and my hometown has kept me prisoner for a long time because I have found in the past that it is their approval I care more about which is highly unfortunate. But what I realize is that life moves on and so do they. I have been blessed with the opportunity to converse with an individual who played a significant role in my not so happy times in high school during my freshman year and being able to acknowledge that I have forgiven not only him but everyone else as well did nothing but make me feel like a more lighter and less stressed person. God forgave me and showed me by having Jesus die on the Cross, the least I can do is pay it forward and forgive others too. We are all young and naieve in our lives but it is those who forgive us that will always turn the situation around in our perception and allow us to see that they were all just blessings in disguise, and that my friends is the most beautiful reality that one could ever discover in life.
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
Overcoming Fear (My Personal Testimony)
Fear is by far one of the most hindering obstacles and mountains in a person's life. Understandably so there are fears that have perfectly good reasons behind them and should exist; however, there are many other fears that are simply just excuses not to look beyond the mountain and see exactly what you can be as a person.
I have had a really hard time figuring out what I have genuinely feared about in life. Certainly I have lived through scary situations such as my abusive relationships and having my daughter removed from my custody for a year as a result. Of course I was also scared of being a single mom of two young babies and didn't believe that I could do it. But in my opinion, none of those scares were ever fears and to be perfectly honest I see having fears and being scared as two totally different things. The more I reflect I can tell you what I do fear
1.) Not making it in this world financially
2.) Never having the courage to be confident and just be myself
3.) Being single forever (yes, that falls under the category of fear)
4.) Not ever having the courage and belief in myself to let doubts be gone and accept myself for who I am and to realize that I can do anything that I set my mind to.
These fears can be an anchor in a person's life and absolutely they have been some in mine. These fears are just the start of the cycle that happens internally which ultimately leads to anxiety and break downs. These four fears are some things that I have decided to really give some time and energy to work on because I believe once these fears have been conquered that it will indeed be a beautiful thing and that I can become aware and accepting of it, thus I will be able to be able to say that I made it to the other side of those fears and have came out on the other side wondering why I had worries and fears in the first place.
I am naturally afraid of having bad spending and financial habits, I am also afraid of not being accepted for who I am rather than have people base their decisions on what I have done, I am afraid of not having a healthy companionship and marriage one day, I am also afraid of living my life without ever having the opportunity to look in the mirror and say "wow you really are beautiful".
It is because of these fears that I choose to simply continue on living my life and attack these issues head on and do something about them. Not letting them hinder me in anyway but providing awesome stepping stones to making me a better person with a stronger and more confident head on my shoulders.
I rarely become afraid of anything, but I become anxious in everything. It is through anxiety that I can come through to the other side and see the blessings that I couldn't see in the midst of a panic attack or other mindful journey that ultimately led me to the middle of no where. It's because I choose to ignore these fears and see myself afraid of anything that could get in my way that I can stand and stay, yes that truly is beautiful that I am able to do that. Through this particular journey I really hope to be able to return back to myself and others and be able to proclaim that my fears have been erased and have been replaced with peace and acceptance of myself. My hope is that others will be able to do the same.
I have had a really hard time figuring out what I have genuinely feared about in life. Certainly I have lived through scary situations such as my abusive relationships and having my daughter removed from my custody for a year as a result. Of course I was also scared of being a single mom of two young babies and didn't believe that I could do it. But in my opinion, none of those scares were ever fears and to be perfectly honest I see having fears and being scared as two totally different things. The more I reflect I can tell you what I do fear
1.) Not making it in this world financially
2.) Never having the courage to be confident and just be myself
3.) Being single forever (yes, that falls under the category of fear)
4.) Not ever having the courage and belief in myself to let doubts be gone and accept myself for who I am and to realize that I can do anything that I set my mind to.
These fears can be an anchor in a person's life and absolutely they have been some in mine. These fears are just the start of the cycle that happens internally which ultimately leads to anxiety and break downs. These four fears are some things that I have decided to really give some time and energy to work on because I believe once these fears have been conquered that it will indeed be a beautiful thing and that I can become aware and accepting of it, thus I will be able to be able to say that I made it to the other side of those fears and have came out on the other side wondering why I had worries and fears in the first place.
I am naturally afraid of having bad spending and financial habits, I am also afraid of not being accepted for who I am rather than have people base their decisions on what I have done, I am afraid of not having a healthy companionship and marriage one day, I am also afraid of living my life without ever having the opportunity to look in the mirror and say "wow you really are beautiful".
It is because of these fears that I choose to simply continue on living my life and attack these issues head on and do something about them. Not letting them hinder me in anyway but providing awesome stepping stones to making me a better person with a stronger and more confident head on my shoulders.
I rarely become afraid of anything, but I become anxious in everything. It is through anxiety that I can come through to the other side and see the blessings that I couldn't see in the midst of a panic attack or other mindful journey that ultimately led me to the middle of no where. It's because I choose to ignore these fears and see myself afraid of anything that could get in my way that I can stand and stay, yes that truly is beautiful that I am able to do that. Through this particular journey I really hope to be able to return back to myself and others and be able to proclaim that my fears have been erased and have been replaced with peace and acceptance of myself. My hope is that others will be able to do the same.
Tuesday, March 11, 2014
That's What Makes You Beautiful- Secret Number One
The first identifier of what makes a person beautiful in the article states that if you fear something and do it anyway then you are beautiful. Reading this statement brings the word courage to my mind, for yes it most definitely makes a person beautiful. We all must take risks in our lives or else we will never learn, grow, make mistakes, or become successful in life. Risks create the bridges we need in life to become the people that we were always destined to be. We all have fears and would rather not attempt to do difficult tasks however, when we can take that risk to attempt or act upon those fears anymore, there really isn't any action more beautiful than that.
Fear is by far one of life's worst hindrances to humanity because it prevents so many amazing things from happening. In my own testimony I can't tell you enough how much fear has constantly served as a compass or weight in my life that has done nothing but keep me down and prisoner of Satan's reach. Even still, after claiming salvation I still struggle with fear and unfortunately I am not alone in this issue.
Fear can be as small or big as you make it in size and unfortunately sometimes it can act as an indicator or intuition to warn you away from hazardous things to your life and well being, however there is also a time and place where you must kick it to the curb and take the chance of a lifetime to see what those fears were making you miss out on throughout that time period. Don't let fear control your life! It's the ugliest thing about the word and it's a word that is very powerful, just remember that fear is under YOUR control and not the other way around.
Over the course of this week I will be focusing on fear by sharing my own testimony and possibly the testimony of others to show what fear has done in mine and others lives and how ignoring or overcoming those fears have made our lives even better which in result created more beauty within us. I hope you my readers take the time to contemplate and reflect over the course of your life and recall times in your life that you have overcome fears or think of fears you have now and open your mind and heart up to conquering them.
Fear is by far one of life's worst hindrances to humanity because it prevents so many amazing things from happening. In my own testimony I can't tell you enough how much fear has constantly served as a compass or weight in my life that has done nothing but keep me down and prisoner of Satan's reach. Even still, after claiming salvation I still struggle with fear and unfortunately I am not alone in this issue.
Fear can be as small or big as you make it in size and unfortunately sometimes it can act as an indicator or intuition to warn you away from hazardous things to your life and well being, however there is also a time and place where you must kick it to the curb and take the chance of a lifetime to see what those fears were making you miss out on throughout that time period. Don't let fear control your life! It's the ugliest thing about the word and it's a word that is very powerful, just remember that fear is under YOUR control and not the other way around.
Over the course of this week I will be focusing on fear by sharing my own testimony and possibly the testimony of others to show what fear has done in mine and others lives and how ignoring or overcoming those fears have made our lives even better which in result created more beauty within us. I hope you my readers take the time to contemplate and reflect over the course of your life and recall times in your life that you have overcome fears or think of fears you have now and open your mind and heart up to conquering them.
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Goals & Insecurities
In Psychology 202, we are spending a lot of time learning about motivation and goals. It is rather ironic because this is what I want to rant about before I get too deep into the complexity of beauty. I think it is very safe to say that each and everyone of us have various goals for ourselves and he purpose of goals is to work hard at something in order to achieve a new height or better level of success somehow. I myself have personal goals and a lot of them are to enhance myself physically or allow me to become "more beautiful" if there is even such an opportunity should beauty actually exist in the first place.
Starting this blog, I can look at myself in the mirror and create a checklist of things that I would like to change or improve about myself. I would love to have longer hair, a better make up routine, more tanned ski to bring out the Portuguese in my genes, better finger nails either through nail polish fashion or acrylics, an improved fashion sense (although it's gotten better), the last of my tattoos that I want to get and of course I want to lose weight which is a struggle for many. All of these wants and desires are all insecurities and changes that a lot of people agree to work towards or at the very least hope for.
I also think about why I want these improvements and what motivates me, really. This is where goals become very tricky in a person's life because in pure honesty confidence and high self esteem is very hard to come by in life. We all struggle with insecurities and we all struggle with admitting why we feel insecure about ourselves or the particular traits and features of ourselves that we want to improve on. What I have always responded to is the reactions and approval or disapproval of other people. I have the strong tendency to care way too much about what other people think about me. I know I am not alone in this battle and it's really tough trenches. There is nothing in this world that can rip a person's self esteem as effectively as other people and the taunting of those other people as well. I have experienced people's mean sides and they have all stuck with me in some weird way or have influenced the way I act, look and live. The world has a funny way of doing that to people and it is one of the ugliest sides of people and humanity in general.
A lot of people blame the media for telling people how to be beautiful and I don't fully agree with the thought and perception. I firmly acknowledge that there are some very beautiful women and men in our celebrity culture. However, I also acknowledge that not always are men and women exposed in healthy lights for everyone to relate to and find some sort of common ground in life with. What I observe because of these particular moments in our media exposure that people are veyr quick to judge and become very ignorant towards these people on our magazine covers. What people tend to forget is that they are people too; it shouldn't matter if they have a pretty face and are rich, there is more to them because they are just like you and I. Celebrities too have insecurities and they are also not flawless although there are a few who I believe come close to it. But even still they go through same life struggles if not sometimes more than we do. We have a right to privacy but for whatever reason their rights are very limited and a lot of times they hare hindered.
Although these celebrities can altar the way that people view what beautiful is; and yes there is a huge influence on the world because of those celebrities, it is important to try and look outside what is right in front of you on magazine stands or the television set and learn that beauty should be defined and impacted by how we view ourselves and what our own hearts say about what beauty is as well. It is a hard task to do but to blame the media fully is in all honesty a cop out because we are ALL beautiful in our own ways just the same as we ALL have flaws.
It is because of this particular philosophy that I have towards what is beautiful and how beauty can be established that I look at all of my physical goals for myself and reevaluate them. Through my reevaluation I realize that it is simply just silly for me to list off things that I want to improve upon because I am insecure about them. Many of my physical goals are reachable with a little time, effort and of course money which is always limited. Women have the tendency to struggle with a lot of the similar issues and guys do too in their own way, only they don't struggle with make up routines :) Physical enhancing goals are not what should be focused on to find the beauty within ourselves nor is physicality the identifying source of beauty within the world. As a matter of fact there is a special kind of beauty in everyone and everything that surrounds us. My hope is that together myself and you, my readers commit to a journey of discomfort and continue to search for the beauty within ourselves by looking at it through a different scope.
It is a sad reality that people tend to care about what other people think about them and a lot of times they rely on those thoughts all throughout their live to have some sort of identity. I definitely am one of those people and I have always thrived on the opinions of others whether they be positive or negative. It is because of this habit that I am starting the fight and am approaching the journey of finding my true beauty in a different way. I want to be more confident and I want to look at myself in the mirror and say "wow I am beautiful" but the truth is that it's going to take a lot of hard work and sometime so that I can love myself and love the person staring back at me through my reflection. I hope that you my readers can have this goal met too and it is my hope for everyone who chooses to invest in this journey with me. We all have insecurities and I believe that those are the most beautiful traits within us, it is only up to us to become aware and accepting of it.
Starting this blog, I can look at myself in the mirror and create a checklist of things that I would like to change or improve about myself. I would love to have longer hair, a better make up routine, more tanned ski to bring out the Portuguese in my genes, better finger nails either through nail polish fashion or acrylics, an improved fashion sense (although it's gotten better), the last of my tattoos that I want to get and of course I want to lose weight which is a struggle for many. All of these wants and desires are all insecurities and changes that a lot of people agree to work towards or at the very least hope for.
I also think about why I want these improvements and what motivates me, really. This is where goals become very tricky in a person's life because in pure honesty confidence and high self esteem is very hard to come by in life. We all struggle with insecurities and we all struggle with admitting why we feel insecure about ourselves or the particular traits and features of ourselves that we want to improve on. What I have always responded to is the reactions and approval or disapproval of other people. I have the strong tendency to care way too much about what other people think about me. I know I am not alone in this battle and it's really tough trenches. There is nothing in this world that can rip a person's self esteem as effectively as other people and the taunting of those other people as well. I have experienced people's mean sides and they have all stuck with me in some weird way or have influenced the way I act, look and live. The world has a funny way of doing that to people and it is one of the ugliest sides of people and humanity in general.
A lot of people blame the media for telling people how to be beautiful and I don't fully agree with the thought and perception. I firmly acknowledge that there are some very beautiful women and men in our celebrity culture. However, I also acknowledge that not always are men and women exposed in healthy lights for everyone to relate to and find some sort of common ground in life with. What I observe because of these particular moments in our media exposure that people are veyr quick to judge and become very ignorant towards these people on our magazine covers. What people tend to forget is that they are people too; it shouldn't matter if they have a pretty face and are rich, there is more to them because they are just like you and I. Celebrities too have insecurities and they are also not flawless although there are a few who I believe come close to it. But even still they go through same life struggles if not sometimes more than we do. We have a right to privacy but for whatever reason their rights are very limited and a lot of times they hare hindered.
Although these celebrities can altar the way that people view what beautiful is; and yes there is a huge influence on the world because of those celebrities, it is important to try and look outside what is right in front of you on magazine stands or the television set and learn that beauty should be defined and impacted by how we view ourselves and what our own hearts say about what beauty is as well. It is a hard task to do but to blame the media fully is in all honesty a cop out because we are ALL beautiful in our own ways just the same as we ALL have flaws.
It is because of this particular philosophy that I have towards what is beautiful and how beauty can be established that I look at all of my physical goals for myself and reevaluate them. Through my reevaluation I realize that it is simply just silly for me to list off things that I want to improve upon because I am insecure about them. Many of my physical goals are reachable with a little time, effort and of course money which is always limited. Women have the tendency to struggle with a lot of the similar issues and guys do too in their own way, only they don't struggle with make up routines :) Physical enhancing goals are not what should be focused on to find the beauty within ourselves nor is physicality the identifying source of beauty within the world. As a matter of fact there is a special kind of beauty in everyone and everything that surrounds us. My hope is that together myself and you, my readers commit to a journey of discomfort and continue to search for the beauty within ourselves by looking at it through a different scope.
It is a sad reality that people tend to care about what other people think about them and a lot of times they rely on those thoughts all throughout their live to have some sort of identity. I definitely am one of those people and I have always thrived on the opinions of others whether they be positive or negative. It is because of this habit that I am starting the fight and am approaching the journey of finding my true beauty in a different way. I want to be more confident and I want to look at myself in the mirror and say "wow I am beautiful" but the truth is that it's going to take a lot of hard work and sometime so that I can love myself and love the person staring back at me through my reflection. I hope that you my readers can have this goal met too and it is my hope for everyone who chooses to invest in this journey with me. We all have insecurities and I believe that those are the most beautiful traits within us, it is only up to us to become aware and accepting of it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)